It’s that time of the year, folks, when Criterion indulges its followers to make the dumbest guesses possible in response to crude, often overly ambiguous drawings. It’s the New Year’s Day (or now Eve) drawing, and a fairly disappointing one (in size and results) at that. I will try to guess as much as I can before I fly into a homicidal rage at the things I can’t even begin to guess.
(These guesses are arranged so that they start with the leftmost clue and move right)
Ghost spinning: Man, those ghost is really whirling. And Terry Zwigoff’s Ghost World is really finally getting the Criterion edition it’s long deserved.
Candles: Sixteen Candles, even. John Hughes has a phantom page on Criterion’s website, but I cannot say I expected this to be the Hughes film to make the leap (I was hoping for Ferris Bueller or Planes, Trains, and Automobiles).
Mystery box at 12: That would be Apichatpong Weerasethakul’s Mysterious Object at Noon.
Fanny pack Caesar and the S wife: As much as I’d like for that to be Hail, Caesar, would that it were so simple. It’s Marcel Pagnol’s Marseilles Trilogy, made up of Fanny, Cesar, and Marius (marry S, ha ha).
Cuban flags and music notes: No shocker given Criterion’s ongoing efforts to release goddamn everything Wim Wenders has ever made (hopefully not The Million Dollar Hotel, though), it’s Buena Vista Social Club.
The ‘D’ pan: Jacques Audiard’s Palme d’Or-winning (if not -deserving) Dheepan. Not a surprise.
Ramen: Juzo Itami’s Tampopo. Even less of a surprise, given Janus Films recently gave it a theatrical rerelease.
Lady cooking: The face is admittedly not a great likeness of Delphine Seyrig, but the wardrobe and context gives it away; it’s an upgrade of Chantal Akerman’s Jeanne Dielman.
Other kitchen items: Fuck if I know.
Corn stalk and R: Stalk + R = Stalker. I was told there would be no math in this drawing.
Roof and window: Maybe it’s just the background?
Waving T: ???? This is inscrutable even for these things.
Grave of They in the nighttime: They Live by Night. That’s it.