There’s only so much I’ve ever been willing to go along with the idea that kids are hugely influenced by media. I do think that media in general has a huge influence on our culture, and kids are influenced by that, but at the same time, I’ve always scoffed at the idea that any particular show or movie or whatever can make your child someone they’re not. And then in the last few days, my son has started saying, “Aw, coconuts!” whenever something doesn’t go quite right.

It’s not the only example I have. His fixation with indigo, both as a word and as a colour, clearly stems from the playthrough of the Castle of Illusions video game he watches obsessively, known in our house as “Save All Rainbow Gems.” He’s three, which is a particularly impressionable age, I grant you. Still, I see the influence of the pop culture he absorbs in his word choice and his interests.

But I don’t think watching Paw Patrol and Team Umizoomi changes him as a person. I think he’s still basically who he is and who we’ve made him, and a few changes in language aren’t the end of the world. On the other hand, the media we let him consume is part of how we’ve made him. I started being careful of what I watched around him a year ago, when it became clear that he was actually starting to pay attention to what I watched. If I’m not already familiar with anything rated PG or higher, I don’t watch it until he’s in school or it’s after his bedtime now.

I’ve got to own it. If Sesame Street taught him his alphabet and how to count, that also probably means he’s picking up on the weird sexism of Sofia the First, which means it’s now my job to recognize that and make sure he knows that “it’s for princes” doesn’t mean “but it’s still okay if Sofia does it” but instead means “but there’s no reason for it to be just for princes, and any girl who wants to should be able to do it.” (Not to mention the classism that show is loaded with, but that’s another article.) Just as I didn’t abdicate teaching him because he was learning from what he watched, I cannot abdicate responsibility for the negative things he can learn.

Once again, it’s boiling down to how we talk to him about his media choices. We have been using his shows as Teaching Moments for years now, talking to him about how characters’ behaviour is inappropriate. We’re teaching him how to think critically about what he sees and not just absorb it blindly. Okay, we’ll say things like “Daniel Tiger washes his hands after using the potty!” If that’s what it takes to get him to wash his hands every time, I’ll take it. But I’m also working on teaching him why he should wash his hands every time, and why it’s not okay when Masha won’t leave the Bear alone.

As long as he’s been old enough to be aware of media exposure, we’ve been talking to him about what he’s getting from TV. That’s part of our job as his parents, to know what he’s watching and think about how it relates to the person we want him to be. It’s true with what he watches, what he reads, who he talks to. Our culture is just more obsessed with what he watches.