It’s sad but true that Diane Delano holds the distinction of singing the absolute worst song in the entire series of Cop Rock. I absolutely do not recommend seeking this scene out, because you shouldn’t have that in your brain as strongly as it’s in mine. Honestly they shouldn’t have cast her not just because she deserves better but because, Gods love her, she can’t sing. I fear that she will be remembered less for her actual quality acting and more for that song and for getting punched in the face by Nicolas Cage in The Wicker Man.
In part, this is because she is a larger woman. Not fat, but genuinely big. She’s a large, strongly built woman, and there’s not a lot of place for women like that in film and television. She’s carved out a steady niche for herself playing cops and the odd gym teacher—I always forget she’s in Joan of Arcadia and am always pleasantly surprised to come across her there again—because those are jobs where we can picture a woman of her size and appearance without being annoyed that she isn’t petite and cute.
Alas, this also means that she’s done a few roles where the joke is that she’s Big. She’s a sex worker in an episode of Quantum Leap, and it’s clear that the joke there is that, ha ha, she’s a big woman who’s a sex worker. It’s frustrating that this is so common; Diane Delano is only one victim of this particular type of “joke.” That’s part of what’s wrong with her Cop Rock episode; she’s sexualized and can throw the male cop she’s partnered with around while she’s sexually aroused. She isn’t taken seriously because she has several aspects that women aren’t supposed to have.
For one thing, she’s got a wicked comedic timing that she isn’t allowed to demonstrate often enough. Delano can say quite a lot with a single raised eyebrow. She’s mostly put in the straight man role—well, that’s fairly common with actresses, but she still gets cast a lot as big, humourless women who can beat up at least half the cast without breaking a sweat. It works in Northern Exposure because she’s still taken seriously as a character, and she’s just one of a wide array of quirky characters.
My partner suggests that Delano might be good at stand-up, but we don’t know. She’s one of the actresses whose career is limited by her Type, and I feel as though that type was established without concern about what she’d actually be best at. Could Delano lead a film? I’d love to see someone let her try. Or, heck, cast her in the Alan Arkin role from So I Married an Axe Murderer, the character who’s trying to fulfill a type they think they belong in but really doesn’t. That would actually be putting some depth into the joke, and it’s clear Delano’s up for the challenge.
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