MISS TALMADGE!  Take a letter.

Good morning, All-Critics-Who-Somehow-Thought-This-Movie-Wasn’t-Awesome.  In your misbegotten souls (and I call your souls “miss”begotten because you seem to have “missed” the point entirely!)  (Where was I?  Oh yes.)  Why, this movie is a classic, not just for the past, but for the future and maybe even the present, which is of course the future of 1994, only with fewer rocket cars.  Many of you seem to think that the purpose of film is the clever referencing of past tropes, cliches, and othersuch devices!  Why nonsense I say!  That kind of thinking went out with the Hula Hoop, which is where this movie comes in! (Miss Talmadge, place quote marks around “in.”  And change “critics” to “losers” and “losers” to “bloggers.”)  (And DON’T interrupt me!  I don’t care whether such bloggers existed in 1994!  That could well be my point!)

What’s it about, you ask?  HOW DID YOU GET THIS NUMBER, I ask, but I’ll also answer:  it’s about business!  About the true heart of a Muncie girl!   About that capital formation!  About the best of Paul Newman’s older performances, is what it’s about!  About America, dammit, yes, America!  The America in our hearts and our old films, and do you have some kind of problem with that?  Are you some, some, some, beatnik type played by. . .that guy in the Coens’ films, the one who’s funny-looking, more than usual.  It’s about wordplay and banter and attention to detail, Miss Talmadge, because that’s what made this country great!  (America, but not the two of them I said before.)

In conclusion, this movie is available for free for Amazon Prime subscribers, so if you’ve been holding out and saying “you couldn’t pay me to see this movie,” well this is the best you’re gonna do.  On payday!